Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
