Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
