I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
