Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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