i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
