i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
