happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
