i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Randomize
