I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
