can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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