You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
