Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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