If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
