So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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