I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize