Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
