Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this just has baby written all over it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
