Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
