No, drunk sperm still make babies.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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