I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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