I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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