I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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