My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think people are normalizing furries
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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