cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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