sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
