i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
