when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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