4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was born a porn star she said
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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