I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
