i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Randomize
