I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He passed out mid-signature
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
