i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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