A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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