"it" just moved
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
