apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
