i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
