Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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