Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Are we still banned from the library?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
