i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When are your genitals available?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
