dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize