Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
