I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize