did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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