i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
