So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
