the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
