dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
