just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
