Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
