Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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