you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
