He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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