the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
