My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
