I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
