Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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