I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
