my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize