He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
