The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
