I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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