Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
MIDGETS
????
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
