Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
