I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
