Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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