just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
