no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
