I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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