Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
