yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
