Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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