I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
