You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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