apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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